Bring the world fire.

I have been noticing a lot of haphazard thinking of late. I read the book Twilight by Stephanie Meyer to be able to take the piss out of its popularity and its target audience but found that task a few shades too easy. I then went about re-thinking the premise of the book as to justify its popularity. This led to me declaring it the greatest fictional work of a transsexual coming-of-age ever devised.

The original story is about a dumpy and aggressively dull teenage girl (Isabella) not doing very much until she strikes up a tedious romance with a vampire (Edward) who somehow is morally inclined to not take part in the single-one-thing that vampires do that makes them vampires - drink human blood - because like most teenagers, he sees a sense of superiority gained from the supposed discipline.
In short, two aggressively dull teenagers hang out, find that they share common interests in being emotionally underdeveloped (which is strange because the vampire is meant to be over a hundred years old) and then go to the prom together in the epilogue.

The emotions present themselves as if the characters wear their hearts on the sleeve but when the biggest problem encountered in the meat of the book is 'Bella gets lost in a town and instead of reacting like a human when she is lost and sees some local men, she looks down to avoid eye contact with the men, who are obviously up-to-no-good, runs away and gets more lost - then Edward picks her up in a Volvo' the emotions are somewhat laboured.

Bella has a Dad who is her opposite because she was raised by her mum but she has to live with him. This is a simple plot device to make the protagonist endearing in that it is supposed that one of the principle things about our middle-class humanity is that growing-up is slightly uncomfortable. If you start writing about seriously uncomfortable subjects then you would have to be appealing to the adult crowd or becoming a sordid exploitationist for young men to drool over.

She then meets a vampire but at first he's just a stand-offish shithead. She falls into a very shallow pool of love with him and recounts in quite un-erotic terms his smell, facial features, style of dress, manner of speaking and the colour of his eyes in-sequence once per-paragraph. If the majority of girls actually do this sort of thing when they meet someone who gives them a little attention then the world is doomed to syrup-smeared mediocrity.

If we re-imagine Bella as an effeminate man who has set out from her quietly admonishing yet emotionally attached mother to live with her quiet yet sympathetic father, to blossom into being as close to a woman as a man can be, then her dull life of meeting a pretty-boy and his pretty-family has a sheer subversiveness hidden in its popularity. The mundanity of the situations and townsfolk have a normalising affect on the greater American societies. Australia usually follows the United States in everything we do so we may see great strides in the negotiation of gender in the near future. The audacity of the work is unrivaled.